Improving
Your Relationships
Improving your relationships begins at the level of conversation. Every
relationship you have is built and sustained through conversation. So
if you want better relationships, you have to alter the way you
approach conversations.
To begin, you need to understand that conversions are governed by
"rules" in our society. These are all unwritten rules, but they are
rules nonetheless. For instance, "Don't ask too many questions," "It is
impolite to talk with your mouth full" "Don't make too much eye
contact" and so on.
Learn to pinpoint these rules in yourself. Uncover them. Write them
down. Observe when you buy into them, and when do you not, and you will
begin improving your relationships. Which rules are serving you and
which ones are not? For example, take the rule: "Don't share your inner
most thoughts." This rule may have served you well back in highschool,
but will it serve you now in your relationship with your spouse?
There are many unwritten rules that prescribe when and where it is
appropriate to have a particular conversation. For example,
most people would agree that the grocery store is a very appropriate
place to have chit chat or average conversations. And most people would
think it is a very inappropriate place to have a serious argument, for
example. But what about really speaking from your heart? Is that ok in
public? What rules are you following?
If you want to be improving your relationships, you must speak from
your heart. Speaking from your heart means speaking what is really true
for you.
It is my observation that most people believe it is not appropriate to
speak from their heart most of the time. That is rule. You can change
it. It is time that we took a closer look at this social rule. Who
determines when and where it is appropriate to have a particular
conversation? Who made up these rules in the first place? Does society
at large force them upon individuals or can individuals make up and
follow their own rules?
To help you get started breaking old rules on improving your
relationships and adopting new ones that will start improving your
relationships, I have included five powerful questions to ask during
conversations:
1. How about if we break the normal conversation rules and try
something really new and different?
2. Even though what I'm about to say might be hard for you to hear, are
you willing to hear it anyway?"
3. Are there any unwritten rules you are following right now?
4. Could I interrupt you and have you just listen for a while?
5. How about if we take turns talking and listening for a while?
Start asking these questions more often, and see what happens.
|
|
